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Each of us is wired for the interdependence we derive from relationships. Every living creature depends on other beings for survival.

The human species needs more than survival. We are born to thrive; to live to our full potential, experience love, passion and fulfillment. When we have these essentials, we are healthy in mind, body and spirit. Then life is a rich rewarding adventure despite its ups and downs.

One key ingredient is needed for any man, woman or child to truly thrive. It’s connection with another, the deep emotional connection of unconditional love. In connecting, two people join mind and spirit to enter the depths of each other’s being. In that depth all judgment, criticism, and blame dissolve into a complete loving union.

It all begins within two weeks of conception, when male and female cells unite and attach to the walls of a mother’s womb. Mother and child are forever connected from that moment even through the most difficult times. At birth they bond emotionally, eye to eye, face to face, body to body, picking up the connection at another terminal. The close physical contact between mother and infant ensures healthy physical and emotional development and sets the stage for adult connections that propagate our species.

In the field of marital counseling a new and greater emphasis is being given to the value of connection. At a recent couples’ workshop, I observed how this enhances relationships. Instead of focusing on criticism and conflict couples are coached to quickly connect, and for most it’s a totally new experience.

Here’s how it’s done and this is what happens. A couple comes for counseling and after the usual greetings they are invited to sit very close, facing each other. Their knees are touching, overlapping if possible. They lean forward, faces a few inches apart and look into each other’s eyes, breathing deeply and slowly to relax and become centered. At first the closeness may create a temptation to look away but they are encouraged to stay with each other, to maintain eye contact.

Gradually they relax and begin to enjoy the landscape, feelings and safety. Facial expressions gradually fade from tension to softness. With the unaccustomed closeness eyes begin to water and very often a tearful overflow appears. Two people who love each other have connected and the old reptilian brain that operates in all of us reports that this is a safe place to hang out for awhile. It’s a setting for the deepest sharing imaginable, where new levels of intimacy miraculously take couples to new places of understanding and acceptance.

The stage is set for productive dialogue. Only when we feel safe and accepted by our partner can we honestly express ourselves. That initial connection leads to mutual sharing of deep thoughts and feelings which are mirrored back, empathized with and validated. An old relationship has taken on a new tone and colors, like a garden that’s been uprooted and replanted. Only this time it will be carefully tended.

A relationship is like a garden that must be constantly nurtured with no issue left unattended. It can never be taken for granted. Weeds of neglect are ruthless and carnivorous, always awaiting an opportunity to eat a relationship alive. Stay connected and tend the garden of your relationship, together.

Elinor Stanton is a psychiatric nurse practitioner on Marco Island. She has 29 years of experience as a therapist in private practice and with a large health maintenance organization in Boston. Send comments and questions to etseven@aol.com or call 394-2861. Visit her Web site at http://www.etseven.net.