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This is the time of year when many couples are exchanging their vows, promising to love each other forever! However, with the high percentages of divorce, I believe people need to take caution beyond the words, ‘I do!’

As a man and a woman meet they become caught up in each other and in their dreams. It happens so quickly, some might question whether it’s a dream or reality. Falling in love happen so easily. Wishes and hopes just seem to fit in every way imaginable.

This is the beginning of romance where all of the chemicals of love are flowing. This is where early romantic couples see everything in its beauty. At this point they become forever. They believe life will continue on just as it is. But, then the inevitable happens. It’s called ‘life,’ with all of its struggles and difficulties.

It seems most couples start on the same road. Everything seems to be laid out so clearly. They automatically follow this map. However, at some point, the force of life changes and all of a sudden the path they were on comes to a dead end and they need to make a choice to go to the right or to the left.

I believe it’s important to see that our love for another is more than how we feel. The essence of real love is choice! None of us are perfect, thus we will naturally choose someone who isn’t perfect either! Wow! If they were perfect, they may not choose to stay with us! What an awareness! I believe we need to look at the total person and all of their characteristics and attributes.

Nearly 29 years ago, I was newly married and happily in love when my husband. I brought my three teenagers together, ages 14-17 (a 14 year old daughter and two sons 15.5 and 17), along with our two dogs into my husband’s home of one daughter, who was only 18 days younger than my daughter.

Everything seemed so perfect until we actually started living our ‘dream reality.’ It was a very early morning nearly 28 years ago that reality started to sink in for me. It was approximately 6:30 a.m. and I was preparing to leave home. I said to my husband that I couldn’t believe it was nearly a year ago that we married. He replied with, “Well it’s not here yet.” I asked for a confirmation, and he said, “I’m not sure I’m going to renew my commitment.” Thank God we were not facing each other at the time!

That comment hit me like a laser shooting into my heart. I was so hurt and so upset! Since I’m not an early morning person, I excused myself.

However, before I got out of the house, the tears were flowing. I had a million thoughts going through my mind. How could he say something like that to me? We had been working hard to make all of the family adjustments. What wasn’t working for him? As I was driving, my hurt turned into frustration. If he wasn’t happy, why didn’t he tell me? I had thought things were going well. This was such a shock to me.

However, at the same time I started questioning myself. I asked myself, ‘how often did I open my mouth and insert my foot with possibly unkind remarks? I searched and I thought I really had tried to be considerate of him and his feelings and his daughter’s needs. However, maybe what I thought was OK was not. Perhaps I had been too self-centered. It made me think about what I needed to do to let this man know how special he was to me.

Anyhow, to make a long story short, by the time I returned home from my one and a half hour drive from my office, I shared with him that I was glad that he told me his thoughts. I said I was also thinking that perhaps I wasn’t going to renew my contract with him either. As you can guess, when that date arrived, we did renew and have done so each year.

As Jerry and I experience this each year, we both feel blessed at this early experience that began with his joviality of him teasing me. He relates that he also questions throughout the year, ‘is he being the best man for me? Am I being happy and content with him? Or, would I want to look elsewhere?

This teasing experience helped us to move beyond that fork in the road. I hope this will keep you aware of the importance of working on your relationship to make those vows to love each other forever sincere.

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Carolyn Katchmar is a member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, a certified addictions professional in Florida and a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors. Address questions to Ethics & Civility, Marco Eagle, P.O. Box 579, Marco Island, FL 34146. Katchmar also can be reached at ckharper@comcast.net.