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We all know how challenging life can be at times. We get stuck in a boring, unrewarding rut, feel unappreciated and wonder if the struggle is worthwhile. Work is too demanding and family needs overwhelm us. We long to be more appreciated for all we do at home and work.

A company on Marco Island may be changing all that. How? With a practice dubbed “Bucket Filling.” Bucket Filling was designed to create a positive, happy work environment and to foster office goodwill. What began at a company rally has become daily sustenance and dessert for employees.

This is how it works. Everyone has a bucket that is used to collect words, phrases or statements of positive feedback. Anyone can place these messages into as many buckets as desired. The idea is to be consistently aware of opportunities to boost morale. In this company the bucket system has evolved into and been replaced by a huge board placed outside the restrooms where all good words are logged in different colors of felt tip pens; easy to read and be seen by all.

Messages are scrawled and scattered in all directions on this magic board; words of encouragement, appreciation, congratulations and sharing of exciting events. Even pictures and drawings are called into service to emphasize one person’s goodwill toward another. As you might imagine the atmosphere in this office is cheerful and upbeat.

One couple adopted bucket filling to enhance their relationship. They bought beach buckets into which they toss messages of caring and encouragement. They are growing more conscious of how each needs to be reminded of the caring in their relationship. The idea of a specific concrete way of showing love stimulates a healthy competitiveness that invigorates a relationship.

I liked the idea so much I have borrowed it to help other couples. Too often we take each other for granted. We assume our partners know we love them. It’s much easier to slip into habits of finding fault and giving voice to our critical judgment than to focus on the good parts.

When we unconsciously fall into an old judgmental stance we lose sight of how few loving behaviors we have bestowed on our loved one. Then the closeness that makes us feel safe and loved deteriorates into a scary emotional gap. We feel as if the relationship is disintegrating. We want to protect ourselves from pain, so we regress even further into old behaviors, such as anger and/or withdrawal, making matters worse.

Keeping our partner’s bucket filled is one solution. A well-known marriage therapist studied couples’ behaviors. He found that the happiest relationships are marked by at least one-hundred caring behaviors a day. He included small gestures, words of appreciation and facial expressions. Bucket filling helps to keep a focus on the love in a relationship instead of its imperfections.

If your relationship seems to be lacking in satisfaction you might initiate a shopping trip to the nearest bucket store where a purchase of two love pails can be the “start of something grand.”

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Elinor Stanton is a psychiatric nurse practitioner on Marco Island. She has 29 years of experience as a therapist in private practice and with a large health maintenance organization in Boston. Send comments and questions to etseven@aol.com or call 394-2861. Visit her Web site at http://www.etseven.net.