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Life is a series of ups and downs. In between are periods of calm and stability that give us a break and the hope that things will always be this smooth. However much we like having a comfortable routine, the only thing permanent in life is change.

How can one best deal with it? Positive change is welcomed, but we don’t always have a choice in what happens. For example, the heavens open with a downpour on the last day of vacation in paradise and plans for a day of sailing are literally drowned; or early retirement plans are squelched by an unexpected layoff; or the empty nest is suddenly filled with a single child’s children.

Some people face the unexpected with chronic fear. They worry. They lose sleep. Does it change anything? Does it make them more capable of coping?

When something does happen it may bring momentary relief so they don’t need to worry about whatever haunted them. However, soon after they handle the crisis a new set of possibilities appears in their overactive worry centers.

Some individuals view life through simply ignoring anything problematic. They never worry. When a problem arises they tend to bury their heads in the sands of denial. They let taxes, bills and other obligations sit in unopened piles of mail and manage to appear amazingly carefree. They also have a way of often finding someone to bail them out.

Is there a better way? Neither of the above situations allows change to bring about growth. A better way is available and the majority seem to have figured it out.

It’s important to accept that a curve ball can strike at any time. We may or may not be prepared for it. Life is totally unpredictable. Each troublesome situation can be seen as a challenge to our ability to adapt and grow. All we can do is plan ahead to the best of our ability, take care of our obligations, and be the best we can be.

Neither worry nor denial will alter life’s course. Worry consumes too much energy to be worthwhile, and also has a negative effect on health. If you tend to be a worrier, here is a good practice. Allow a specific time either daily or weekly to make a detailed list of all the worries you have. Then review it and look for old recurrent worries. The next step is to analyze how many of the past worries have actually materialized and if they did, review how you handled them. You will probably find that most of the worries never came about and if they did you coped very well. Not only that, but in retrospect what seemed bad at the time actually turned out in a positive way.

For individuals who live in a pink cloud of delicious denial circumstances tend to eventually break through this façade. Family and friends who have colluded through codependent behaviors finally either run out of resources or see the light and set limits.

Whatever style you use to cope with adversity, remember that the good times never last and neither do the bad. Change is inevitable and without it none of us would have the opportunity to change for the better. We don’t like the bad times but when life is good we can appreciate it, congratulate ourselves for successfully negotiating difficulty and be grateful.

¤

Elinor Stanton is a psychiatric nurse practitioner on Marco Island. She has 29 years of experience as a therapist in private practice and with a large health maintenance organization in Boston. Send comments and questions to etseven@aol.com or call 394-2861. Visit her Web site at

http://www.etseven.net.