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Ethics & Civility: Coaching children may get them off the couch — on with their goals
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Parents want their children to have a satisfactory career in the future, however many are confused as to how they can provide the guidance for their children.
First, I encourage parents to make their child’s education the number one priority. We know that our income and our sense of satisfaction of a profession are most dependent upon the number of years completed in school.
Unfortunately, some children get lost in wanting to get rich quick and avoid the education route and begin work early. While income should not be the main focus, children need to know the importance of education and that dropping out of school is not necessarily the quick route to financial success.
Through all of my years on this planet in talking with people, I have found those who pursued further education also found they had more tools for appreciating life in general. I always encourage the young to balance their personal interests and development with the real world in usefulness and marketability.
I also believe it is never too late to start teaching good study habits. It is best, whenever possible, to provide an area that is free of distraction for your children to do their homework. Some children find doing their homework at the same time each day is also helpful.
Some parents tend to be too critical of their children. While the parent has the best of intentions for their children, unfortunately, that message does not come across to them. Instead the children see the parents as being very judgmental rather than encouraging them and/or coaching them to success.
I don’t know about you, but I know I respond much better to someone who is like a coach. After all, a good coach encourages the positive things one is doing, while also setting some limits with occasional penalties when needed. We, as people also respond much better to a person like this who is more positive with us. Your children are the same.
On the other hand, what do you think of when you think of a judge? Most people see a judge as one who is only looking at the negative aspects of our life. We see that person just sitting there ready to catch us and punish us. Thus, our reaction to them is of resentment and defensiveness. We tend to want to avoid being with that person. Your children will likely react the same way.
I don’t know of a child who doesn’t enjoy being with their parent. Thus they respond very well to working alongside you in projects around the house.
This can be in many areas such as preparing dinner, baking cookies, painting a room or planting flowers.
Do things your child likes. Utilize this time to talk with your child about what interests he/she has in life. Help your child explore that area, what your child likes about it, what education is needed and the benefits. Perhaps you can talk to your child about your profession, what you like about it and what preparation it took.
Above all, do some fun things with your children. Remember, they love to be with you. Play games with them when the chores are done. Give them the time to enjoy being with you. Time goes so fast! Soon they will be grown and out of the house. By being available and being a coach, your children will be more open to exploring life and life’s questions with you.
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Carolyn Katchmar is a member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, a certified addictions professional in Florida and a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors. Address questions to Ethics & Civility, Marco Eagle, P.O. Box 579, Marco Island, FL 34146. Katchmar also can be reached at ckharper@comcast.net.
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