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It is great to see parents interested in their children and in their children’s after school activities.

It seems a majority of these parents are very enthusiastic about having them involved in sports. While this can be great for the children, I have noticed there are some parents who appear to have much difficulty in allowing their children to be children, especially when it comes to sports. It seems they have forgotten that the purpose of youth sports is to have fun, to develop sportsmanship, and to get exercise.

Unfortunately, I have found youth sports have a way of bringing out the worst in parents, even in those who are normally very composed.

Raising an athlete can be very intense. It is interesting to note that quite a few of the parents who act out in poor sportsmanship are former ‘unfulfilled’ athletes. It seems they now realize that if they had concentrated more, or practiced harder, they could have done better. Thus, with their child, they are seeing themselves, having a second chance and forget that the game is just a game and must be played for the game.

Of course it is natural to feel disappointed and frustrated when your eight year-old fails to pass to an open teammate. However, this has caused some parents to act out in very irrational behavior. The news media has alerted us of some extreme cases where some parents have been arrested for acting out in anger during their child’s game.

There are many lesser incidents that continue to plague the youth-sports program that have an emotional impact upon the children.

Children usually get involved in sports because they want to be included and they want a chance to display their abilities. However, for some children this does not happen. It is so sad to hear a child in my office relate their story and cry about how embarrassed they were at their game when the parent yelled angrily at them from the stand for not performing to their hopes and expectations.

A 9 year-old boy, who I will call Eddie, related he was sad because his dad wouldn’t allow him to play with his friend anymore because his friend’s dad is the coach and dad is angry with the coach. These children have lost interest in sports and don’t want to participate because it has been a bad emotional experience for them. For some, it has been traumatic.

I encourage parents to remember, your child’s game is ‘just a game’.

Yes, you may know more about the game than the coach does, but what does it matter? Remember, this is about your child learning.

A good coach wants to create an equal opportunity for all of the players. Use this opportunity to teach your child to show respect for authority by modeling it for him. Remember, children learn by what they observe much more than from what they are told. Besides, it is upsetting for a child to hear their parents and coach arguing. They are caught in the middle of two people they care about.

Children have told me that it upsets them when their parent has yelled at them from the stands and they didn’t play as well. If you think about it, how do you feel if your boss or partner yells at you? It is important to realize your child is no different. Your child wants and needs your love, your support and your respect.

By all means, instill a positive attitude in your children. Help them show appreciation for the other team by modeling this for them. After the game you could go to the other team and congratulate them. If you noticed a play or two that was good, you could comment on that.

I hope I have given you some ideas for you to assess how you are doing so that you can be the best ‘parent coach’ your children deserve from whom they learn respect for authority, self-discipline, fairness and cooperation with others.

Carolyn Katchmar is a member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, a certified addictions professional in Florida and a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors. Address questions to Ethics & Civility, Marco Eagle, P.O. Box 579, Marco Island, FL 34146. Katchmar also can be reached at ckharper@comcast.net.