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Mind Matters: Life doesn’t begin at 65

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In our society one of the most long awaited and anticipated life events is retirement. Countless individuals toil for years in work for which they have no passion, counting down the years and months with only a vision of a day when the drudgery will end.

Those visions of blissful leisure might for some be the sole motivator to keep going in a thankless job. Future dreams make the present tolerable but shouldn’t the present have enough value to be fully experienced?

It’s no wonder that retirement may not measure up. Disillusionment with the long awaited leisure life is not unusual. Initially the novelty of days on end with no time constraints, no obligations or expectations is delightful. Here at long last is what life promised.

One problem with retirement is that for some it’s a lifetime fantasy; a fantasy of continuous pleasure, ease and relaxation. The dream of no responsibility, no pressure allows some individuals to endure undue stress, sleep deprivation, unhappiness, even abuse from an ungrateful boss. However, when the dream becomes a primary reason for existence, trouble lies ahead. Survival based on a distant vision of utopia is a denial of the present moment.

The moment is missed. Life is the future; idyllic retirement. Wrong. Life is now. How many people have missed the boat, afraid to make a change, to challenge themselves with something new today. Work hard, accept what is handed out, grin and bear it. Hope in the form of retirement is just down the road. Keep counting; the days, weeks and months slowly pass — it will end.

The idea is not to ignore plans for retirement. Planning is a necessity, but a plan is quite different from unhappily plodding along and counting on retirement to finally acquire happiness. Leisure does not provide happiness. It can enhance a positive outlook, a sense of purpose and accomplishment that derive from a full life. Financially providing for the future is a necessity but if it’s the sole purpose of life retirement will be empty and lackluster.

Individuals who are happiest in retirement have been able to find and create happiness in their lives. They know what it is to have a sense of purpose that makes life meaningful. They have discovered a balance between work and play, tend to have satisfying relationships, and know how to handle stress.

Most important, they are true to themselves, have followed careers that interested them. I have known people in my life who chose work only for one of two reasons; to create financial security with a “good job” or to satisfy a parent’s wishes. They did not acknowledge their own needs, talents and preferences and life was a drag. Addictions and depression become common problems in these circumstances.

At retirement age old habits and views are deeply entrenched. Suddenly the present moment is supposed to utterly satisfying. It doesn’t work; one cannot spend life in the future and shift at once to the moment. Believe it or not it’s too frightening and probably a source of the high alcohol intake among retirees.

Retirement will be as good as your life has been. If you have been on a path of personal growth it will continue. If you’ve fallen short it is never too late to use your new leisure time for self-evaluation and emotional and/or intellectual enrichment. Perhaps a support group for retirees can be helpful. In any case, don’t be surprised if retirement is full of surprises.

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Elinor Stanton is a psychiatric nurse practitioner on Marco Island. She has 30 years of experience as a therapist in private practice and with a large health maintenance organization in Boston. Send comments and questions to etseven@aol.com or call 394-2861. Visit her Web site at http://www.etseven.net.

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