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Dog lovers are a special breed of people.

We spoil our canines, and give them designer collars, gourmet foods, and boutique-bought toys. We carry our pups in quilted bags, or give them their own spot in the car. They’re primped, meticulously groomed, and dressed in tiny clothes.

“Why not?” we reason. Our dogs are practically like little people!

In the new novel “Sharp Teeth” by Toby Barlow, you’re not far from the truth. But these critters aren’t your grandma’s lapdogs. These dogs are people who can change at will, and their bites are much, much worse than their barks.

On his first day as dogcatcher, Anthony learned that the work was nasty and the co-workers, nastier. It really wasn’t the job he wanted but when times are tight, a man will take anything. The only thing that makes it all bearable is the woman Anthony met while on the job.

She walked into the pound looking for a job for her “brother” and whispered an invitation for Anthony to meet her at a bar. He took her home that night and she stayed, but even though Anthony loves her very much, he doesn’t know everything about her.

Once, she was the woman who held her pack together. Chosen by the leader, Lark, she kept the others in line, part den-mother, part littermate. Months before, Lark found her on the streets, alone, bruised, the victim of abuse, and he showed her the way to turn. That was long before the pack fell apart, some taken in by different groups, some killed by dogcatchers.

But now, as much as she wants a life with Anthony, she can’t ignore the war that’s simmering quietly in downtown Los Angeles. Another, more vicious pack is vowing revenge. They’re destroying drug dens, killing old enemies, and turning street people, the downtrodden, the troubled into lycanthropes like them. Dog pounds are overflowing with curs that aren’t quite canine. Newly-adopted dogs all over the valley are sitting in backyards, in living rooms, in bedrooms, just waiting for a signal.

And in the office of Detective Peabody, a voice whispers into the phone. “Watch the dogs”, the thin voice says. “Find the girl and watch the dogs.”

It’s not the skin-crawling malice in the story that makes this book so great. It’s not the wait-til-you-get-to-the-ending ending that makes it readable. You’ll even look at your beloved pet in a different way, but that’s not what makes “Sharp Teeth” compelling. What makes this book fascinating is that it’s so lyrical. Written in free-verse form like a poem, the lines are almost romantically horrific, like beautiful words loaded with malice. It’s as if you almost expect to hear it read aloud at a Poetry Slam for Subversives.

Fans of Stephen King, Chuck Palahniuk, and Christopher Moore take note: if your favorite writers aren’t publishing books fast enough, give this debut novel a try. Author Toby Barlow is someone you’ll want to hear from again because “Sharp Teeth” is the howl of a new dawg in the literary ‘pound.

• • •

You can’t avoid it.

Everywhere you look this time of year, it seems you see lace and hearts and chocolates. You see people holding hands and sneaking smooches in the snack line at the movies. And the movies? Ugh. They’re all about love and stuff like that.

Valentine’s Day stinks if you’re alone, but you don’t have to wallow in your pain. Instead, read the new book “Things I’ve Learned from Women Who’ve Dumped Me”, edited by Ben Karlin. You won’t find amore between these pages, but you’ll at least have somebody to commiserate with.

In the realm of relationships, nothing is ever certain. In these thirty-two chapters from screenwriters, comedians, novelists, and others, you’ll see dumpings that appeared from nowhere, ditchings that the ditchee should’ve seen coming, and break-ups that were exactly the right thing at the right time — even if seen through a backward telescope, thirty years later.

In Lesson #4, “Persistence Is for Suckers” by David Wain, a series of phone calls seems like the beginning of a wonderful relationship… until Wain realizes that his potential girlfriend only sees him as voice-male.

Why is it that most songs are about love? According to Lesson #19, “You Can Encapsulate Feelings of Regret, Panic, and Desperation in a Two-and-a-Half-Minute Pop Song” by Adam Schlesinger, some songs are about love that’s lost. And those lyrics? They’re fiction. Really.

Is it possible to fall in love over and over, quickly? Lesson #20 says it is. In “I’m Easy” by Paul Simms, love rushes in fast and falls hard, even when the crush only lasts seventeen seconds.

Think you’re immune because you’re older? Ah, dumping can come at any age. In Lesson #9, “Women Are Never Too Young to Mess with Your Head” by Larry Wilmore, a spurning that starts in a hospital is revived with one healing word a year later.

And finally, in a wonderful (obviously fictional) chapter, a man pines for the woman who rejected him twenty-five years ago. In “She Wasn’t the One” by Bruce Jay Friedman, he meets her again in their middle years. Will he dump her this time?

At times laugh-out-loud funny, and at other times heartbreakingly sad, “Things I’ve Learned From Women Who’ve Dumped Me” is a book that eventually says one thing: you’ll survive. In fact, in his introduction, novelist Nick Hornby says that most of the authors of these stories went on to have happy marriages. Good news for anyone nursing a pulverized heart after a messy break-up.

While this book is definitely meant for men, women shouldn’t pass it up. Yes, there are lots of euphemisms for women’s anatomy here and some borderline-explicit paragraphs. Read past that, though, and the chapters offer heartsick women a decent peek at men who also bruise deep at love lost.

If you’re spending V-Day alone — by choice or by fate — or if you’ve ever had your ego flattened by a scorning paramour, you’ll want to read this. “Things I’ve Learned From Women Who’ve Dumped Me” is a book to love.