Chris Curle/Special to the Eagle

An adult burrowing owl peers from its nest on Dana Court. Looking for a mate perhaps?

Submitted photo

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The favorite critter companions to a lot of Marco Islanders, the burrowing owls, haven’t had much of a nesting season to crow (or hoot) about.

The latest figures from the city’s environmental specialist, Nancy Richie, show that only 31 owl pairs produced chicks this year. By contrast, active pairs last year produced 45 chicks. Why?

“I credit this mostly to increased hawk predation,” Nancy tells me. “Also, there’s been the drought of course, plus some construction disturbances, but that’s been only a minor problem, due to the low rate of home-building.”

Nancy needs help in documenting the burrowing owl activity on Marco.

“If anyone is interesting in volunteering to watch the owls, to monitor the nests and help maintain them, please contact me.”

You can reach Nancy Richie by phone at 389-5003 or via email: nrichie@cityofmarcoisland.com. – Chris

Laying it on thick at Lely Resort?

One of the sillier direct mail promotional efforts that landed in our mailbox recently was from Lely Resort Golf and country Club. We assume many other Islanders got them too.

On the cover is a guy reading a newspaper sports page. The giant headline reads, “Farmer Sets Course Record! – Shoots 62 to Win Tourney.”

It must be some other guy named Farmer, I thought, knowing the odds must be huge of that happening.

On the reverse of this shiny, full-color brochure – and I assume it’s a small victory for direct mailers when recipients don’t reflexively toss the things away unread – the magic continued.

“Donald, at Lely Flamingo … we treat all our players like champions … ” and so on.

They need business and I get that. But they must have a demographic foul-up if they include me in their list of potential golfers, there or anywhere else.

I wish I were a good golfer, but the few times I tried it, many years ago, I was awful. My father was a duffer but an enthusiastic one and he was Sarazen-like compared to me. – Don

Nature lovers love golf for the nice walk

I also played a few rounds years ago, but found it boring, preferring to watch the flora and fauna rather than the tees, greens and the score.

Memo to Lely Resort. No doubt you have a fine golf environment but your other players might file a class action lawsuit against the resort if you allowed us anywhere near your fairways, sand traps and water challenges. Actually there’s little chance we’d ever reach the greens anyway. The bar and grill, however, sounds excellent. – Chris

On the not as bright side of ‘Life’

The day after I got the news of being a faux Lely golf champion, I received an equally colorful brochure about my doom.

It’s a request from the Neptune Society to send me literature about a “pre-need cremation plans.”

“Dear Donald” (again with the Donald) it began. It was an effort to convince me that “cremation just makes sense.”

I don’t disagree, but I was put off by one of the reasons the Neptunists offered: “It has less impact on the environment.”

Does that mean if I don’t get cremated I’ll carry an Al Gore guilt trip to the grave? Does it mean I might avoid the grim reaper by buying carbon offsets?

In my search for everlasting life I logged on to www.fightglobalwarming.com and there it was.

“How Does It Work,” the headline read.

“Even if you have already reduced your driving and electricity use, there’s more you can do. You can neutralize the rest of your pollution-through offsets. When you buy offsets, you essentially pay someone to reduce or remove global warming pollution in your name.

“For example, when you buy 10 tons of carbon offsets, the seller guarantees that 10 fewer tons of global warming pollution go into the atmosphere. While the pollution you produce yourself is the same, you get the credit for that 10-ton reduction.”

The cost is $4 to $8 per metric ton of global warming pollution. There’s the solution. Pay some other guy to reduce his pollution and I’m good to go. Or maybe even stay. But wait. Is cremation smoke-free?

My favorite line on the Neptunian sales pitch is this, in smaller type at the bottom of the flier, printed on recycled paper by the way: “Please accept our apologies if this letter has reached you at a time of serious illness or death in your family.”

I know one way to make sure of that. Take me off your mailing list. – Don.

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Emails: chris@chriscurle.com and don@donfarmer.com.