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“I notice how the earth has ‘topped shaking, now that gator-matin’ season is over,” said the old man as he stood on the shore of a small lake filled with alligators, each one bearing a hint of a contented smile.

“What kind of a lewd comment is that?” asked his friend, standing nearby without a contented smile.

“That’s not a lewd comment at all,” replied the old man. “It’s just a simple fact. There’s a lot of vibrations goin’ on during gator-matin’ season.

“You see, the University of Florida biologist has figured out that male gators attract female gators by emittin’ a low, sexy rumble or vibration from their throats.”

“Is he talking about these reptile here or them blue-‘n-orange kind that wear helmets?” asked the old man’s friend.

“He ain’t talkin’ about a football team,” said the old man. “They use Barry White records for the same purpose, though.

“No, sir, that there researcher says male gators emit this powerful, ultra-low-frequency signal — a sound so low it can’t be heard by human ears. It apparently drives the female gators crazy.”

“In that case, maybe it’s a good thing we can’t hear it,” said the friend.

“He says females feel as well as hear the sounds,” said the old man. “He says the female gators will often rest their chin on the throat or neck of the male and close their eyes, a sign they are enjoying the vibrations.

“They don’t have enough to do up there at the University of Florida,” said the old man’s friend.

“This is serious,” said the old man.

“If humans can’t hear this ‘come-hither rumble,’ how in the world did that researcher discover it?”

“Apparently, he recorded on tape about 800 gator bellows and fed the recordings into a computer that could analyze sound frequencies.”

“I supposed the sexy gator rumbles showed up on the ‘oh, baby… oh, baby’ scale,” smirked the old man’s friend.

“Listen here, this is serious science,” said the old man. “They’ve discovered that a whole bunch of animals, like elephants for example, use the same kind of low-frequency signals to attract mates. They claim the bluefin whale’s signal can travel through the water as far as 11,000 miles.”

“Sorta saves on long-distance calls, don’t it?” said the old man’s friend. “But, then again, by the time the female whale travels all that distance the male whale may be out of the mood — or have found himself another female only 5,000 miles away.”

“You just can’t take this stuff seriously, can you?” asked the frustrated old man.

“Well, it’s kinda hard to take it seriously,” replied his friend. “I’m just glad to know my tax money is goin’ to such a worthy endeavor.”

“Aren’t you the least bit happy to know that when your daughter gets to the University of Florida, she’ll be able to study and figure out what attracts gators to each other?”

“I don’t think that will be a problem for her,” said the friend. “That’s why they have undergraduate mixers and fraternity parties.”

“There just ain’t nothin’ serious to you, is there,” said the old man, getting a little hot under the collar. Maybe it was the gator rumbling that was affecting him.

“Oh, I get serious ‘bout some things,” replied the friend. “I was readin’ the other day where this scuba diver was on a reef when he got attacked by a cowfish. Now, that’s serious.”

“Cowfish don’t attack people,” said the old man.

“This one did,” said the friend. “The cowfish horns punctured the diver’s glove and swole up his hand for a couple of days. Maybe the pizza he had for lunch was causin’ him to emit low rumblin’s and it got the cowfish excited.”