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More Down Yonder

• Down Yonder: Some folks’ll never take ‘em seriously
• Down Yonder: Where the winds blow ...
• Down Yonder: Elections sullied by slurs

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The old man was relaxing on the beach under the shade of a tall pine tree, taking a break from his job cutting down coconuts.

“I just don’t understand it,” he said, gazing up into the tree as a pair of pelicans played tag. “I just can’t understand people who think of a tree as a pest. It ain’t nat’rul.”

“What in the world are you talkin’ ‘bout?” asked his friend, stooping on the sand beside him.

“Sometimes, people go too far,” said the old man. “People think these here Australian pine trees should all be cut down and chopped up for mulch.”

“Well, that’s because they ain’t native to South Florida,” said his friend. “They’re tall, their roots is shallow and they don’t let nothin’ native, like sea grapes, grow under ‘em.”

“Just ‘cause they ain’t native don’t mean nothin’ in South Florida,” grumbled the old man.

“They’s lots about South Florida that ain’t native. We put with a lot of non-native stuff, includin’ a lot of non-native people types but we don’t go ‘round choppin’ ‘em down.”

“You just don’t understand,” said his friend, “These here trees cause problems. We gotta get rid of ‘em.”

“What problems?”

“Well, they blow over in storms.”

“How many storms you ever see come through ‘ere and blow them trees over?”

“Well, I guess the last one was about 1960.”

“That’s what I mean. Besides, they don’t weigh nothin’ up at their tops. How much damage can they do?”

“Their roots run out the beach and keep turtles and crocodiles from layin’ eggs in the sand.”

“How many crocodiles you seen on this beach? How many turtles you think are stupid enough to build a nest at the base of a tree? You got to do better ‘n that to persuade me.”

“They’re just not a native species.”

“They’s lots of nice flowers and trees that ain’t native but we like them. Nobody ever talks ‘bout choppin’ down all the orange trees, for example, or hibiscus or gardenias or jasmine. How ‘bout them coconut palms there? You think God put them in South Florida? No, sir. It was Dr. Henry Perrine.”

“If they don’t grow here natural-like they shouldn’t oughta be here.”

“They may not be native,” said the old man. “But they is indigenous by now. “What would South Florida be without these here pine trees? It’d be North Florida. They don’t seem to mind the pines over in The Bahamas. I don’t know why we have to hate ‘em here. They’re valued trees in most parts of the Caribbean.”

“They’re just pests.”

“They ain’t, neither. You ever heard the song they sing when the wind is blowin’ through ‘em at night? How many times you ever been thankful for the shade one of these trees provides when you want to escape from the sun?”

“The guv’munt gonna cut ‘em down and that’s it,” said the old man’s friend. “They sure made Wiggins Pass beach nice when they cut ‘em down, didn’t they?”

“Hell, boy. The guv’munt’s the one that planted ‘em back in the 1940s. I got this friend, see. Her name is Dr. Casuarina Cajuput and she graduated from Travecca-Nazarene College with a joint degree in Old Testament and animal husbandry.”

“Holy cow,” said the friend.

“Right. But she is a tree expert and she says the pine trees suffer from arboreal specism.”

“They got pesticides to control that, don’t they?”

“No, boy. Arboreal specism is an attitude that brings prejudice and discrimination to a particular kind of tree. People is prejudiced against the pine trees for no good reason a-tall.”

“Them pelicans like ‘em,” said the old man. “If they’s good enough for the pelicans, they’s good enough for me.”